Well, I bought me a guitar, put it in tune
Went out there the month of June
It was a hot dog night and a stick in a roar
Ev'rybody was a-down any side
It was a holy cow (holy cow)
Mean cow (mean cow)
Double jaw (double jaw)
Cow (cow)

Well, I'll tell you a story about how to become
An all American boy, you can beat on a drum
Beat on a drum from five to six
You'll be rock 'n' rollin' soon, gett'n' your kicks
It's a good job (good job)
Join the band (giggin' in the band)
Bring your hand ([?ick] your hand)

Clean your hand and come up tight
Roll smoke then down at night
Hold on a train, on a whiskey jar
Settle it down, there you are
Hold it steady
Pick it up now
Now hit it
(Makin' the girls giggle)

Yeah, you'll sure be makin' them little girlies giggle
You'll be makin' them all just jump up and down and wiggle
Empty their socks in their britches
All you'll find that soon you'll be itches
Itches all over
Itch in your pants, itch while you dance
Itchin' on down till the' goin'-a France

Well, I know a boy yesterday
He become a guitar and he floated away
He played his bars and he played them all
He's just on there havin' a ball
Kickin' a hot storm up over the ocean
He took himself a notion

He got some lotion and he
Put it on his guitar, put it on him
Next time you knew you can call him Jim
Down the road boy, they call him slim
That don't care if you carry him
Just a minute now, you see what I mean
(Uncle Sam)
(In the slam)
(Rippin' up draft cards)
(And all that)

Well, sooner or later a man's gonna come
He's gonna take a look at you, look at your drum
He'd be a man and he'll take you home
Yeah, he'll take you out to his farm
He give you a good one
He'll give it to you
(Girls don't giggle no more)

Well, sooner or later you're bound to meet his wife
And he'll come in and have the time of your life
Just pickin' the gum, pickin' up a star
Pickin' up and goin' and goin' to the bar
You and your manager
(Pickin' my nose)

Well, you'll want to know about the manager soon
He'll just take you outside and put you on the moon
He'll buy you new clothes, new pair of shoes
You'll be walk' away with the drummer blues
You'd be a fine drummer
Pick 'em a a comer
Dog hummer

Written by Bill Parsons/Orville Lunsford/Bob Dylan?/Richard Manuel?. Performed by Bob Dylan & The Band.